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Saturday, February 16, 2013

WWE Royal Rumble 2013

-From Phoenix, AZ

-Hosts are Michael Coley, Jerry Lawler, & JBL

-Match 1 for the World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio [c] VS Big Show [Last Man Standing]

-Before ADR makes his entrance, he bumps into Bret Hart, who wishes him luck, and says ADR reminds him of a "Mexican Bret Hart". Ricardo goes all fanboy on Bret, and gets a pair of Hitman shades for it.

Show dominates the first couple minutes, mainly with huge chops. ADR gets a really big "SI!" chant while he hits a couple superkicks. ADR counters a powerbomb with a rana, and the crowd wants tables. ADR goes for the cross-armbreaker 3 1/2 minutes in, but that doesn't go so well. Show grabs a chair, but ADR disarms him, and wears him out with it. ADR flies off the top, but gets caught and chokeslammed for a nine count. ADR falls to the floor, where Show slams him for a seven count. ADR goes low, then hits a superkick for a nine count. They fight towards the entrance, and show sends ADR into the set. Show grabs a light tube and cracks ADR across the back with it. Show climbs a piece of the set, pulls ADR up by his hair, and chokeslams him off through a table for a nine count.

They go back to the ring where Show loads up the WMD, but ADR takes a powder to avoid it. Show grabs the steps, and almost caves ADR's head in. Ricardo tries to help, and gets rag dolled for it. Show tries to spear ADR, but whiffs and crashes through the barricade for a nine count. ADR grabs another chair and goes to town, finishing by trapping Show's arm on the steps and smashing it. Show gets up, so ADR douses him with a fire extinguisher. WE'RE PARTYING LIKE IT'S 1999! Back in the ring, ADR gets the cross-armbreaker, and Ricardo duct tapes Show's ankles to the ropes, and Show is counted down at 16:57. Strong opener. I was skeptical when ADR turned face, since I didn't think his gimmick could translate as a babyface, plus I'm never happy when a wrestler wins a world title after decisively losing a feud, but they've picked the right time, whether it's intentional or not, to get ADR over as a face, as they've mostly been in cities with heavy Hispanic population since then. I do like the finish, even if it isn't a traditional babyface way to win, since it is in line with ADR's established character, and I hate it when someone does a complete 180 when they turn.

-Matt Striker interviews Dolph and crew. Dolph points out that #1 and #2 are the same in the Rumble, and picks #1. Striker tries to point out that only two people have won from the #1 spot (leaving out that Vince won at #2). AJ gets upset at the implication from Striker that Dolph can't win. AJ uses the implied threat of a Langston beatdown to chase Striker off. Langston uses his best "TV newscaster" voice to finish the interview. Dolph says he's going to win the Rumble, cash in his Money in the Bank to win the world title, then unify it with the WWE title at WrestleMania.

-We go old school Royal Rumble with short promos from some of the participants.

-EARLIER TONIGHT: Antonio Cesaro beats The Miz to retain the U.S. title on the pre-show.

-Match 2 for the WWE Tag Team Championship: Hell No [c] VS Rhodes Scholars

-Bryan almost immediately trips Rhodes up during a leapfrog and slaps on a surfboard. After Kane fights off both challengers, Bryan kicks the shit out of Sandow. Kane sends both challengers outside, and Bryan hits them with a suicide. The Scholars finally get some offense in after Rhodes low-bridges Bryan. Bryan plays face-in-peril for a couple minutes, then get the hot tag to Kane, who dominates Sandow. Sandow avoids a flying clothesline, and hits an ugly swinging neckbreaker. The challengers block a double chokeslam and hit a double suplex on Kane. They didn't see Bryan make a blind tag, and he hits Sandow with a missile dropkick. Kane chokeslams Rhodes, and Bryan makes Sandow tap to the No Lock at 9:25. Decent enough abbreviated tag formula match.

-The annual "numbers" Royal Rumble promo.

-A recap of the Rumble festivities, including a panel with Bret and Shawn, and Sheamus & Layla working with Make a Wish.

-Match 3: The Royal Rumble

-Ziggler cuts a promo before the match starts. Cole points out that two people have won from the #2 spot. I can't remember who the other person is. CHRIS JERICHO makes a surprise return as #2. Monster pop for that. Jericho almost dumps Ziggler, and gets a big "YOU STILL GOT IT" chant that is usually reserved for much older wrestlers. Cody Rhodes is #3, and he goes after Jericho. Jericho almost goes out, but fights back and gets the Liontamer on Rhodes before getting blind-sided by Ziggler. Kofi Kingston is #4 as the 90 second count is off by a bit early on. Kofi cleans out and almost dumps Ziggler. Rhodes goes after Kofi, so Jericho goes after Rhodes. Santino is #5. He celebrates after almost eliminating everyone else. They gang up on him, and Rhodes tosses him at 6:03.

Drew McIntyre is #6, and I don't anticipate him lasting long. Drew tries to toss Kofi, so Jericho takes the opportunity to try to dump him also. Dolph almost gets Jericho out as Titus O'Neill is lucky #7. O'Neill runs through Kofi & Cody, and DOES THE BARK. Jericho eliminates Drew at 9:26. GOLDUST is #8, and Cody isn't happy about it. The Rhodes' family slugs it out, stopping to take care of Ziggler when he tries to break it up. David Otunga is #9, and I can't remember the last time he was on TV. Otunga goes after Jericho, then the Rhodes' team up on Titus before Cody turns on Goldust and tries to toss him. Heath Slater is in at #10, and not much happens.

Sheamus is #11 and it should be time for some dead weight to be tossed. Sheamus cleans house, and throws Otunga into Titus to eliminate Titus at 15:57, then it's goodbye Otunga at 16:15. Tensai is #12 as Cole acknowledges that he's been in past Rumbles. The crew discuss alternative Rumble strategies and Brodus Clay enters at #13. Brodus goes after Jericho, then has to fight off Tensai. The Rhodes' fight it out on the apron. Goldust clotheslines Cody back in, and Cody makes him pay by whipping him into the ringpost for the elimination at 19:52. Rey Mysterio is in at #14, and he promptly hits both Ziggler & Jericho with 619s. Cole points out that Rey was #2 in 2006, so he was the other. I hated that Rumble, so I'm not surprised I forgot. Brodus gets ganged up on as Darren Young enters at #15, and Brodus is out at 21:58. Tensai tries to dump Kofi, but Kofi turns it around and eliminates him at 22:14. In this year's "crazy save from elimination" spot. Ziggler knocks Kofi off the apron, and he lands on Tensai's back. Tensai dumps him on the Spanish announce table and leaves. After giving this some thought, Kofi yells at JBL to give him his chair, which he does, if only to see what he's going to do.

Kofi sets up his spot as Bo Dallas makes his debut at #16. Kofi uses JBL's chair as a pogo stick to make his way back to the apron. Why go through all that when you can simply hop on one foot? Darren Young's elimination at 24:34 distracts Kofi and allows Cody to hit the disaster kick to knock Kofi off the apron and eliminate him at 24:41. Cody's smile after doing that is awesome. Sheamus almost catches Cody celebrating and THE GODFATHER is #17. I didn't realize the Ho's were PG. Godfather gets in the ring, and is promptly dropkicked over the top and eliminated by Ziggler at 26:06. Wade Barrett is #18. Barrett teams with Jericho and they almost get Sheamus out. John Cena is in at #19, and it should be time for more house cleaning. Super Cena immediately fights off six guys and eliminates Slater at 29:14 and Cody at 29:19. He almost gets Jericho out, but Ziggler saves Jericho only to attack him. Bo Dallas goes after Cena, and is shockingly not promptly dumped for it. Damien Sandow enters at #20 and goes after Dallas. Rey and Barrett almost go out simultaneously, then Barrett kicks Rey off the apron at 30:49. Jericho fucks up putting the Walls on Cena, but he gets it the second time.

Daniel Bryan enters at #21, and kicks Sandow, Ziggler, and Barrett down, accompanied by "YES!" chants the whole time. Antonio Cesaro is #22, and he goes right after Sheamus. The Great Khali is #23. Khali cleans house and Ziggler hits a bareback on Cena. Kane is in at #24 as this match has slowed to a crawl, but the entrants are smartly coming pretty fast. Sandow almost gets Sheamus out. Zack Ryder is #25 as the ring is filling up for Ryback. Ryder hits the Rough Ryder on Ziggler as Hell No eliminate Khali at 37:49, then Bryan dumps Kane at 38:02. Bryan EMBRACES THE POWER OF YES but is then promptly knocked out of the ring...into the arms of Kane. Kane refuses to help Bryan back in the ring, and Bryan falls to the floor at 38:34.

Randy Orton enters at #26. He almost tosses Dallas, then hits both he and Ziggler with the draping DDT, then adds an RKO to Ryder before tossing him at 40:06. Ryder splats on his face during the elimination. Barrett & Cesaro work Orton over as Jinder Mahal enters at lucky #27. Cena blocks a gutwrench from Cesaro and backdrops him out at 41:00. Cena catapults Ziggler, who hangs on the ropes to save himself. The Miz is in at #28, and he goes after Cesaro as Cesaro leaves. Sheamus drapes Mahal across the top rope, and hits a kneelift to eliminate him at 42:44. Miz gets in the ring, and hits the Reality Check on Cena. Sin Cara enters at #29. Barrett tries to toss Dallas, but Dallas hangs on and pulls Barrett out at 44:31. Miz almost gets Jericho out as Barrett returns to pull Dallas out at 45:23, then KO's him with the Bull Hammer. Ryback is #30, and it's time to clean house.

Sandow is Ryback's first victim at 46:34. Sin Cara tries his luck and soon follows at 46:59. Miz is next at 47:12. Jericho catches Ryback with the Code Breaker, and Cena with a Lionsault before almost getting Sheamus out. Jericho hits a Code Breaker on Ziggler to knock Ziggler into the ropes. Ziggler backdrops Jericho to the apron, then superkicks him off at 47:53. The crowd doesn't like that one at all. Orton avoids a charging Ryback, then hits RKOs on Ziggler, Cena, & Sheamus. Orton follows that up with the draping DDT on Ryback, and calls for the RKO, but Ryback blocks that and dumps Orton at 49:25.

FINAL FOUR: Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, John Cena, & Ryback. Ziggler hits a leaping DDT on Cena, but Sheamus blocks it when Ziggler tries it on him. Sheamus put Ziggler on the apron, then Brogue Kicks him out at 49:46. Cena & Sheamus go after Ryback, and hit a double-team suplex before going after each other. Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but runs into a Meathook clothesline from Ryback. Sheamus blocks Shellshocked and hits Ryback with White Noise. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick on Ryback, but he counters and dumps Sheamus at 52:31.

The crowd is solidly behind Ryback against Cena. Cena lands some punches, but runs into a spinebuster. Cena avoids the Meathook clothesline, and slaps on the STF, which puts Ryback out. Ryback comes back with a flying Thesz Press. Ryback tries to toss Cena, but Cena counters, and tosses Ryback to win his second Rumble at 55:06. Pretty good Rumble this year. A couple of cool spots and not a whole lot of down time. The final four was pretty tense, even though I knew who won. Maybe not one of the all-time great Rumbles, but good.

-Cena POINTS TO THE SIGN and celebrates his win.

-After the hype video for the main event, Josh Matthews attempts to get some words from The Rock, who quickly dismisses him. The Rock talks about the adversity of not getting drafted into the NFL and his mom being diagnosed with cancer, then sucks up to the fans.

-Match 4 for the WWE Championship: CM Punk [c] VS The Rock

-Really fast start. They trade shots, then Punk has to avoid a Rock Bottom a minute in. They go outside, where Rock preps the Spanish announce table. CM Punk sends Rock back in, and resets the the table. They go back outside, where Heyman gets involved, allowing Punk to take control and he preps the Spanish announce table before changing his mind and focusing on Rock's injured midsection. Back in the ring, Punk applies a bodyscissors and there's a big "BOOTS TO ASSES-KNEES TO FACES" dueling chant. Punk keeps the pressure on, continuing to work on the midsection.

Punk dropkicks Rock outside, then hits a flying axe handle off the top to the floor, tweaking his repaired knee in the process. Rock goes after the knee, but Punk sends him back to the floor and follows with a suicide dive. Back in, Punk misses the springboard clothesline, and Rock goes back to the knee. Rock hits a Russian Legsweep for a one count. Punk blocks the Rock Bottom, Rock blocks the GTS and goes for his shitty Sharpshooter, but Punk counters that into the Anaconda Vice. Rock turns that into a pin, forcing Punk to kick out and release the hold.

Rock hits a DDT, and both guys are out. Punk again counters the Rock Bottom into a crucifix, but Rock rolls through that and applies a slightly-improved version of his shitty Sharpshooter. Punk almost taps, but reaches the ropes. Back outside, Rock fully preps the Spanish announce table, then catches Punk before he can get away. They get on the table, and Punk catches Rock with a kick and calls for the GTS. Rock goes for the Rock Bottom, but the table gives out before he can lift Punk. I'm sure that felt GREAT. Rock rolls inside to break the count, then improvises with a Rock Bottom on the floor.

Rock gets Punk in the ring, and a cover gets two. Punk catches Rock with a huge roundhouse kick out of nowhere. Rock wins a strike exchange with a flying foerarm and just when he's about to hit the People's Elbow, the lights go out. The Shield (as noticed by Cole) attack Rock and put him through the announce table. Punk feigns ignorance, gets Rock back in the ring, and gets the pin to retain at 21:26.

-Punk sticks around to celebrate, and that brings out Mr. McMahon. McMahon, as promised, goes to strip Punk of the title because of the Shield's involvement, but Rock cuts him off, and asks for a restart instead. Vince thinks about it, then gives it to him.

-Match 5 for the WWE Championship: CM Punk [c] VS The Rock [Take Two]

-Punk goes right on the attack, looking to finish this quick. Punk hits the running high knee, a short-arm clothesline, and a Savage Elbow for two. Rock fights off the GTS, and hits a spinebuster and People's Elbow to win the title at 2:03. The whole thing was great until the end. I would have liked at least another Rock Bottom instead of just the People's Elbow to finish Punk's historic reign.

-FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a pretty good show, even if it falls short of being one of the most memorable shows. With only four matches, there couldn't be a bad one, and nothing was. The world title match was very good, the Rumble match was very good, and the main event was almost perfect except for the finish. I'm not excited for what's being set up as the main events for WrestleMania, but we'll see what happens.

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