-From The Bingo Hall in Philly
-Your host is Joey Styles
-Match 1: Yoshihiro Tajiri VS Jerry Lynn
-Crowd is all about Lynn, giving him a big "New Fuckin' Show" chant before the ring intros. This is clean-shaven short trunks Tajiri here. Lynn blocks a kick to the ribs and applies a leglock. Tajiri wins a fight over the leglock, and applies a bow-and-arrow, before Lynn falls on top for one. Lynn stretches Tajiri, who escapes before running into a flying headscissors and a spinning heel kick. Tajiri rolls outside, where Lynn meets him with a plancha.
Tajiri catches Lynn with some kicks, and applies the taurantula. Tajiri hits a handspring elbow to knock Lynn outside, then suplexes Lynn into the crowd. Tajiri has to wait a few seconds for Lynn to get up, then hits him with an Asai moonsault when he does. Tajiri bridges out of a rana-rollup, then gets one of his own for two. Lynn counters a suplex, and hits an inverted DDT for two. Tajiri hits a couple of his trademark stiff kicks to the chest. Lynn no-sells two of them, but a third puts him down.
Lynn reverses a whip, and follows in with a dropkick. Lynn hits a couple chops, then Tajiri comes back with a chop followed by a roundhouse kick to the head. Lynn gets tied to the Tree of Woe, and takes a baseball slide to the face. That gets two, as Lynn grabs the ropes. They both scale the turnbuckles. After Tajiri blocks a sunset bomb, Lynn changes it into a running Liger bomb for two. Tajiri comes back with a low dropkick to the knee, and La Mahistrol for two, as Lynn's foot gets in the ropes. Lynn then promptly hits a clothesline and cradle piledriver to finish. Styles' surprised reaction to Lynn's finisher means it must be the first time he used it. Match was decent before the really abrupt finish. Seemed like they couldn't piece together a finishing stretch, and Lynn just said "fuck it, I'll end it this way".
-Lance Storm (donning a "Monday Night Jericho" shirt) comes to the ring with Dawn Marie. Crowd chants for Jericho, and Storm says that must be because the fans are Jerichoholics because Jericho is from Calgary...Alberta, Canada. Storm is upset because Tommy Dreamer has been stating that Storm is on steroids. Storm acknowledges the "Happy Birthday" chants, but requests they leave that for later. Storm says he worked his ass off to get his physique, which is something the couch potatoes in the front row and the wannabe atheletes in the back can't appreciate. Storm says he's "the best built athelete this side of a negative drug test". Storm produces a vile of urine, and states that he's willing to take a piss test, and that since Dreamer, once upon a time, was in shape despite not even knowing a guy named Jim, must be on something.
Dreamer comes out to answer the challenge. Cyrus provides a distraction, and Storm goes on the attack. That doesn't last long, as Dreamer hits a DDT in short order, then dumps the urine in Storm's face. I can't help but notice that didn't answer the accusations of steroid use either way. I've always though talk about steroids was verboten in wrestling, but I can't be surprised ECW would break that barrier.
-Match 2: Rod Price (w/Skull Von Krush) VS Nova
-Nova quickly hits a hiptoss and a legdrop. Price gets into it with Straw Hat Guy. Price gets some jobber offense in, and I'm already waiting for this to be over. Price hits an avalanche, then a powerslam. Nova hits a clothesline off the second rope for two. Krush (the future Big Vito) pulls Nova outside and attacks him, until Chris Chetti rushes out to save Nova. As those two slug it out, Price hits Nova with a chair to the back, then goes after Chetti.
Nova hits a baseball slide on Price. Chetti hits a springboard dive on Krush, then Nova hits a suicide dive on Price. Chetti & Nova hit the Tidal Wave on Price, and Nova gets the pin. This sucked even for the short time it lasted. Pretty ass-backward way for a babyface to win too.
-Krush & Price get into an arguement. Price attacks Krush, but ends up taking a swinging implant DDT for his efforts.
-Match 3: El Mosco VS Super Crazy
-I have no idea who Mosco is. They go through a series of counters and reversals to start. They go through a ridiculously choreographed series that ends up with them trading armdrags. The crowd loves this shit. Crazy misses a move and flies outside, where Mosco quickly hits a running springboard dive to the outside. Mosco does a headstand on the apron, and ends up getting wheelbarrowed onto the guardrail for it. Crazy puts Moso in the crowd, then hits the Crazy Special (springboard Asai Moonsault into the crowd). Joey says we're watching the best of lucha libre here. Somehow I doubt that.
Crazy hits a second rope moonsault for two. Top rope moonsault almost misses as Mosco was trying to move. That gets two. Crazy gets ten punches in the corner (with the crowd counting in Spanish). Mosco comes off the top with a hurricarana which sends Crazy outside, then Mosco hits a hilo to the floor. Back in, Mosco hits a springboard hurricarana off the top for two. Back outside, Mosco tries to hit another rana, but Crazt alley-oops him into the crowd, then adds an Asai moonsault off the guardrail. Back in, Crazy misses a splash off the top, and Mosco gets two. Mosco gets a fancy rollup into a submission as Styles suddenly stops talking. I'm guessing the commentary was cut here for some reason.
They go through another series of rollups. Crazy tries, but can't quite do, a Jannetty sell off a clothesline, and Mosco gets two. Mosco hits a Skytwister Splash for two. Mosco sets Crazy up top then slams him. Mosco moonsault hits feet to the face, then Crazy hits a snap powerbomb for two. Crazy goes up, but gets caught with a sunset bomb for two. Crazy botches a tilt-a-whirl back breaker, then hits an awkward frog splash for the pin. This was pretty much a template for those RoH matches from a few years ago, where they would try to elevate two lower-carder guys buy having them go all out. The stupid bullshit in the beginning aside, this was pretty good for the style it was wrestled in.
-Match 4: Papi Chulo VS Taka Michinoku
-Match quickly spills outside. Taka goes back in, and hits his no-hands springboard plancha. Taka hits a backbreaker, then applies a single-leg crab, but Chulo quickly grabs the ropes. Taka hits some stiff chops I didn't think he had in him. Chulo hits a fancy armdrag followed by a spinning heel kick. Chulo slams Taka, but misses a 450. Taka goes up, but gets crotched, and Chulo hits a springboard hurricarana for two. Taka comes back with a tornado DDT for two.
Chulo backdrops Taka outside, but then runs into a forearm to the face. Taka flies, but gets caught with a dropkick in mid-air. Taka fires back, but Chulo blocks another tornado DDT, and hits a sloppy missile dropkick. Taka rolls outside, and Chulo somersaults over the turnbuckles onto Taka. Chulo sets Taka up top, then hits a dropkick. Taka hits a running knee to the face, then a dropkick to the back of the head. Chulo blocks the Michinoku Driver, then hits a rana-rollup for two. Taka hits a slam, but misses a moonsault. Taka counters a powerbomb, then counters yet another rana into a powerbomb before finishing with an inverted suplex into a Michinoku Driver for the academic pin. This was a stunt show in the vein of the previous match, just not as long. No selling, and no psychology.
-Match 5 for the ECW Television Championship: Rob Van Dam [c] (w/Bill Alfonso) VS Too Cold Scorpio
-RVD is also tag champs with Sabu at this point. Feeling out process to start, mixed in with RVD stalling. No Joey on commentary for the first couple minutes. RVD pounds Scorpio, then does a backflip before hitting a low dropkick to the face. RVD ducks a spin kick, then "hits" one of his own. Scorpio shows him how it's done. Scorpion hits an Arabian Press for two, then PASTES RVD flush in the face with a superkick. Scorpio hits a jackhammer, then relaxes off the cover, presumably since RVD is too woozy to kick out.
RVD misses a kick and Scorpio chops away. They blow another spinning kick spot, and RVD ends up falling on top of Scorpio. RVD sends Scorpio into the crowd, then hits a huge plancha off the top. Back in, RVD hits a slingshot legdrop for two, then follows up with Rolling Thunder for two. Scorpio avoids a monkeyflip, then Germans RVD when Van Dam gets caught on the second turnbuckle. Scorpio hits a somersault leg drop off the second rope, and calls for his finish before covering for two instead. Scorpio hits a Samoan fallaway slam, then a big splash off the top for two.
They go outside, where a table bridge has been conveniently set up. Scorpio wants to splash RVD through it, but RVD moves before he can. Back in, Scorpio hits a couple chairshots to the head. Scorpio then places the chair across RVD's face, and hits a legdrop off the top for two. Sabu runs out and attacks Scorpio. Sabu ends up putting Scorpio through the table. RVD rolls Scorpio back in, and hits a slingshot legdrop for two. RVD goes low, but Scorpio counters a powerbomb, and hits one of his own for two.
Fonzie crotches Scorpio on the top rope, then holds a chair in fron of Scorpio's face for the Van Daminator off the top. RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash to finish. Scorpio was trying to get to his feet, but had to fall back down to take the move. This wasn't particularly good. It had no real flow whatsoever, which seemed to be a theme in RVD's TV title matches, save the ones against Lynn (which seemed to have even more stalling in the beginning).
-Scorpio shakes hands with the guys who just cheated to beat him, then pie-faces Fonzie.
-Match 6 for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship: Taz [c] VS Chris Candido (w/Tammy & Steve Corino)
-Candido says he hasn't tapped to all the stuff he had to do in the WWF or all the drugs he's done. Candido propses they make this "FTW" style, meaning a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Taz wins a slugfest, then hits the Brooklyn Boot to send Candido outside. Candido throws Tazz into the crowd, then hits a dive off the top. They brawl through the crowd for a bit. Candido tries to powerbomb Taz on the bleachers, but gets backdropped.
Candido throws Taz through the timekeeper's table, then they go into the crowd again. Taz gets the upperhand, and hits a T-Bone suplex on the stage. Candido slams Taz on the stage, then drops an elbow from the level above them for two. They finally get back in the ring, where Candido hits a delayed vertical suplex, then a diving headbutt for two. Tammy starts yelling "1,2,3", to which the crowd responds by chanting "show your tits".
Taz hits a wheelbarrow slam. Candido comes back with an awkward slingshot belly-to-back suplex for two. Taz counters a hurricarana with a powerbomb for two. Taz takes a boot to the face, but then immediately hits a head-and-arm suplex. Candido goes to the eyes, and hits a powerbomb. Candido goes for the Blonde Bombshell (powerbomb off the top), but Taz fights it off, and hits a head-and-arm suplex off the top.
Tammy hands Candido a chain, and he punches Taz for two. Candido sets a table up in the corner and pounds away. Taz counters a whip into the table, then drives Candido through it with a Tazmission suplex. Candido's hurt his neck, and the ref stops the match. Match started out as a boring brawl and never got much better. Wasn't expecting that finish though.
-Candido gets stretchered out and Joey's commentary seems to be setting him up for a babyface run, but IIRC, it never materialized. A couple people in the crowd aren't happy with Taz, so he responds by attacking Candido and choking him out as Candido taps. The fans that were chanting "fuck you Taz" heartily applaud the move, as do a lot more people. Taz says that's what happens when you fuck with Taz. Does anyone know if this was supposed to be some kind of double-turn that didn't work because of the crowd reaction?
-Before the next match, Shane Douglas cuts a promo, stating that Terry Funk knew his job six years ago was to make Douglas a franchise. I hate promos like that. Douglas challenges Credible to step over the line, and Credible abliges.
-Match 7: Shane Douglas (w/Francine) VS Justin Credible (w/Jason)
-After a slugfest, Douglas hits a bunch of suplexes, followed by a rolling neck snap. Douglas dominates the first few minutes. Jazz is there too in Credible's corner, but doesn't have a name yet. Douglas tries to splash Credible through a table, but Jazz interferes, and Credible throws Douglas through the table. Now it's Credible's turn to work Shane over. Credible controls the next few minutes, with a couple hope spots mixed in.
Credible rams Douglas' head into one of the building's support beams, and that draws the first blood of the show, surprisingly enough. They exchange chops, and Credible goes to the eyes to keep the advantage. After a chinlock, Credible sets up a table, and lands some chops. Douglas blocks a whip into the table, then press slams Credible through it for two. Douglas slaps on a figure 4. Jazz rakes Douglas' eyes to break the hold, kicking off a cat fight with Francine. Credible wants to cane Francine, but Douglas stops that with cane shots of his own.
Credible hits some cane shots, but misses the KO shot, and Douglas hits a leg lariat. Jason goes after Franchise, but gets speared by Francine, and takes a full nelson slam from Douglas. Credible hits a superkick for two, then Douglas gets a rollup for two. Douglas hits a Thesz Press and mounted punches for two. Credible continues the Austin tribute with a Stunner. Credible leaps off the top, but gets caught with an inverted atomic drop, then the Pittsburgh Plunge (fisherman buster) to finish, even though Douglas' shoulders were down too. This was alright for a grudge match, worked more in a traditional style than the other matches on this show.
-Lance Storm attacks Douglas, leading to a huge caning at the hands of Credible. Tommy Dreamer tries to help, but gets laid out with a trash can. Thus the Impact Players are born (I think). Cyrus was in the ring at the end, but didn't do anything.
-Match 8: The Dudley Boyz & Mr. Mustafa (w/Sign Guy Dudley & Joel Gertner) VS Balls Mahoney, Axl Rotten, & New Jack [Ultimate Jeopardy Match]
-Before anyone gets in the cage, Bubba gets on the mic and says that New Jack has decided to not get in the cage tonight. Bubba says he's happy that the fans won't get to see someone they paid to see. Bubba cuts Gertner's intro short. This is ECW's version of War Games.
Balls & D-Von start. Balls controls the segment, including hitting D-Von with THE COOKIE SHEET OF DEATH. Balls hits a frog splash and goes for the cover, but there cannot be a pin until everyone is in the cage. Bubba gets in, but doesn't fare well to start. Balls absorbs some double teams and slugs away on both Dudleys, until Bubba scores with a urinage. Bubba accidentally hits an already bloody D-Von with a trash can lid, and draws a "you fucked up" chant for it.
Axl gets in, and wraps barbed wire across the forehead of D-Von. Bubba takes a shot with the cookie sheet and Balls is busted open. Axl grabs a pair of scissors and jabs it into D-Von's head. D-Von gives Axl a receipt the first chance he gets. Mustafa makes it 3-on-2. Not much of note happens until this segment ends. It takes a moment, but New Jack does make his entrance.
He does the usual, but doesn't get nearly the reaction he usually does. Axl adds some thumbtacks, but ends up getting suplexed onto them. New Jack's music plays for the rest of the match. Bubba uses a mop handle, followed by barbed wire, but New Jack refuses to join everyone else in bleeding. Can't say I blame him. Would you want to risk your blood mixing with these guys? Balls blows fire in Mustafa's face, but then immediately takes 3-D and a double pin. This was the definition of, to steal a phrase from Jerry Lawler, extremely crappy wrestling.
-The Dudleys get the fuck out of dodge, so the babyfaces lock the cage with Mustafa still inside. They put Mustafa on a table, then New Jack does a splash off the cage to put him through it. The faces don't seem to be bothered at all that they lost.
-FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a pretty bad show, especially for something that's supposed to represent the "best of" ECW. There's pretty much nothing worth going out of your way to see here, except maybe the formation of the Impact Players. The good wrestlers had much better matches on other shows, and the bad wrestlers were...bad. I don't think this show really meant much after it happened, but I could be wrong about that.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
WWECW December to Dismember
-This is the disasterous first and only attempt at a WWE-version of ECW PPV. I actually haven't seen this show before, but it has a reputation. Let's see if it lives up to it.
-From Augusta, GA
-Hosts are Joey Styles & Tazz
-Right away WWE gets rid of the ECW look that they were trying to go with, and it makes the show look like any other WWE PPV.
-Match 1: MNM (w/Melina) VS The Hardys
-Only this and the main event were announce ahead of time. Neither of these teams are technically ECW roster members. Jeff is I-C champion at this point. This was a "one night only" reunion for both teams. FUN FACT: These teams would be part of the 4 team Ladder Match at Armageddon later in the month (which included Mercury's face being broken), then this match also opened the 2007 Royal Rumble. Slow start. Hardys work on Mercury's arm. Nitro gets in, and right away takes a slingshot dropkick from Jeff for two. The Hardys then double team Nitro, then hit a double team wheelbarrow slam on an interfering Mercury.
Crowd tries to get into the ECW spirit by chanting "she's a crack whore" at Melina, but their hearts aren't really into it. Nitro misses a standing shooting star on Jeff, who immediately tags Matt. Matt hits a Splash Mountain bomb, one of the few times I've ever seen that move not countered into a hurricarana. Matt gets lured outside by Melina and clobbered by Mercury. Matt plays face-in-peril. Tazz takes the opportunity given to him by a scream from Melina to make a gay joke about Michael Cole. Matt counteres a double team suplex and hits a double hangman's neckbreaker, but MNM cut off the tag.
MNM go for the Twist of Fate/Swanton Bomb combo, but Matt breaks it up, and makes the hot tag to Jeff. Jeff cleans house, then Matt hits a slingshot dive on Mercury. Nitro then hits a sweet dive over the ropes, followed by Jeff who hits a plancha on all three other men. Hardys hit Poetry in Motion on Mercury. Matt hits Mercury with the Twist of Fate, but Nitro pulls Mercury out of the way of the Swanton Bomb. Nitro hits Jeff with a springboard dropkick for two.
MNM hit Jeff with a double-team catapult, and he is officially face-in-peril v2.0. MNM work Jeff over, but can't put him away. Jeff finally counters another catapult with the Whisper in the Wind, and makes the hot tag to Matt. Matt cleans house, hitting both MNM members with the Side Effect, and getting two on Nitro. The match breaks down, and the Hardys hit stereo superplexes. Melina distracts the ref, but ends up getting accidentally dropkicked off the apron by Nitro. Jeff gets a schoolboy for two. MNM hit the Snapshot, but Matt makes the save at two.
MNM set up for the Snapshot off the turnbuckles. Matt prevents that, and hits a double Diamond Cutter, then Jeff hits both MNM members with the Swantom Bomb before getting the pin on Nitro. Solid, if unspectacular tag formula match. Picked up for a bit right before the end, but the finish took too long to set up and killed the momentum that had been building.
-RVD is willing to risk it all to become the ECW Champion again. Rob says "the risks are worth the prize".
-Match 2: Matt Striker VS Balls Mahoney
-Matt Striker believes it is his job to restore order to an extreme environment. Matt says his match will be contested under extreme...ly enforced rules. No eye gouging, no hair-pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. Tazz points out that Striker has his own face on the back of his tights. Joey "You have to wonder about a man who wants to sit on his own face". Balls completely out-wrestles Striker, who responds with brawling. Striker goes to work on the arm.
Striker keeps working the arm as the crowd quickly grows disinterested. Balls hits some punches and a sidewalk slam for two. Balls goes up top, and the ref actually moves to enforce the "no top rope" rule, allowing Striker to shake the ropes and crotch Balls. Striker gets a nice rolling armbar. Balls makes his comeback with punches, and hits a spinebuster for the pin. Match was alright. Seemed to be building to Striker breaking one of his own rules to steal the win though.
-CM Punk warms up for the main event.
-Sabu is found KO'd backstage. Paul Heyman cares more about his main event than Sabu's health. The crowd, sensing what's coming, immediately chants "bullshit".
-Match 3: Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay VS The FBI (w/Trinity)
-Burke says tonight will be a sports-entertainment first: The Elijah Experience, and that they'll leave their mark like an animal in heat. Burke wrestles with his baseball cap on, but quickly loses it to Guido. FBI get the better of Burke for a little bit, but the tide turns when Terkay gets in. Terkay catches Guido in mid-air, casually kicks Mamaluke down, then throws Guido out over the top onto Mamaluke. Burke hits a stiff punch to the ribs for two. WWE missed the boat on Burke.
Match slows down quite a bit as Burke works on Guido. Burke hits an STO for two, with Mamaluke making the save. Mamaluke gets the lukewarm tag, and the crowd couldn't care less. FBI knock Terkay down with a double basement dropkick, then hit Burke with a double flapjack for two. Terkay clobbers Mamaluke, and Burke finishes with the Stroke. Terkay adds a muscle buster on Guido as one fan chants "TNA". Crowd indifference aside, this was an ok match.
-Sabu gets loaded into an ambulance. The crowd is not happy.
-Match 4: Daivari (w/The Great Khali) VS Tommy Dreamer
-Daivari controls the early going with punches. Dreamer fights back, but gets low-bridged by Khali. The ref saw that, and kicks Khali out from ringside. Daivari adds excitement to the match with...a chinlock. Daivari controls with more jobber offense as the crowd grows impatient for a Dreamer comeback. Dreamer makes an unexciting comeback, hitting an inverted DDT for two. Dreamer avoids a cross-body off the top, then ties Daivari into the Tree of Woe before hitting a basement dropkick. Daivari counters a DDT into a schoolboy, and gets the pin with a handfull of tights. Awful match, awful booking. Daivari is weird. He has a look and a gimmick that should be instant heat amongst the less-tolerant wrestling fans, but he can't draw any because he's a cruiserweight that tries to wrestle like a heavyweight, and he's just so fucking shitty at it that just about every match I've seen him has died a painful death.
-Dreamer tries to get revenge, but Khali comes back and hits a Tree Slam on the ramp.
-Paul Heyman goes into the locker room, and meets a fortunately there and dressed to wrestle Hardcore Holly. Heyman makes Holly Sabu's replacement. Crowd is NOT happy with that.
-Match 5: Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly VS Kevin Thorne & Ariel
-I think it's hilarious that Heyman though "vampirism" was widespread enough to base a gimmick off that. Mixed tag rules, so no intergender stuff. Boring match that the crowd couldn't care less about, other than staring at Kelly's ass and Ariel's breasts. Knox does hit a nice bicycle kick for two. The girls get in, and the crowd cares because of the T & A mentioned above. Kelly's "selling" is embarrasingly bad. Knox short-arms on a tag, then walks out on the match. Crowd cheers the move (they are ECW fans afterall), and a short "CM Punk" chant breaks out. Ariel finally finishes Kelly to end this. This was really, really bad.
-Ariel attacks Kelly just because she can until Sandman's music hits. Sandman makes his way through the crowd an Thorne grabs his cane. Sandman canes the shit out of Thorne to give the crowd something to really cheer for.
-Some woman I don't remember interviews Bobby Lashley. Video shows Lashley getting destroyed by Big Show & Heyman's crew on the previous ECW on Sci-Fi.
-Video previews the main event.
-Paul Heyman comes out kill time before the main event. First, he says that Hulkamania will die with Hogan, the "woo"s will die with Flair, but ECW will survive long after he dies, and it's all because of him. He might have a point, since there are people in wrestling who won't let the whole thing die. Heyman says ECW is now a global phenomenom lead by Big Show.
-Match 6 for the ECW Championship: Big Show [c] VS CM Punk VS Test VS Bobby Lashley VS Hardcore Holly VS Rob Van Dam
-This is a Chamber match, with weapons in each pod added. Show has a bared wire baseball bat, Punk has a chair, Test has a crowbar, and Lashley has a table. Test & Hardcore Holly in the main event! Where do I sign up? Tazz & Joey actually deduce that Holly had something to do with the attack on Sabu. Show, Test, & Holly show signs of solidarity (say that three times fast) during the ring intros, setting this up as essentially a team match.
RVD & Holly start. Cool spot as RVD does the Spider-Man leap into the cage, but then misses a cross-body and hangs himself up in the ropes. Holly slams RVD on the grating, then very gingerly jumps into a boot from RVD. That looked really bad. RVD hits Rolling Thunder over the top to the grating. Holly suplexes RVD back in the ring. They slug it out on their knees until RVD hits a low dropkick. Holly hits a proper dropkick for two.
CM Punk (w/chair) joins in to a big pop. Punk hits Holly with the chair, then RVD with a springboard clothesline. Punk throws a chair at RVD, who catches it, and simply throws it back at Punk's head. RVD hits Punk with a monkey flip onto the chair. Punk avoids a Van Daminator and a legsweep before dropping a leg on RVD's head to drive his face into the chair. That busts RVD open. Punk wedges the chair in a corner, then throws RVD head-first into it. Holly wheelbarrows Punk into the chamber for two. Heyman instructs Holly to finish either one off, and he settles on Punk. Holly sets Punk up top, then hits a couple chops followed by a superplex. RVD covers Punk off that and gets two. Punk hits the high knee on Holly, but runs into a kick from RVD.
Test (w/crowbar) enters. He whacks Punk in the ribs, then digs the edge into RVD's open wound. RVD takes Holly & Test out, then skateboards the chair into Punk's head before finishing him with the Five Star Frog Splash. Maybe RVD is too stoned to remember that Heyman's crew are working together. That doesn't matter soon enough, as Test measures RVD before turning and kicking Holly. That looks like it gets two because even though Holly doesn't kick out, the ref stops counting, but Holly is then removed from the chamber anyway. RVD tries a splash off one of the pods. but he stupidly picks Show's pod. Show grabs RVD and holds him in place for a chairshot from Test. Test puts the chair on RVD's face, then finishes him with an elbowdrop off Show's pod. Crowd chants "bullshit" at that, followed by a small "where's my refund?" chant.
Lashley is supposed to enter next, but Heyman's riot squad (the Basham Brothers, IIRC) keep Lashley's pod locked. Given that Test is armed with a fucking CROWBAR, I don't see what they were worried about. Lashley uses the table to break through the top of his pod and enter the match. Lashley mauls Test, then whips him into a couple pods. Test fights back, but Lashley kicks the chair into Test's face to cut him off. Lashley cracks Test with the crowbar, then finishes him with a spear, leaving Lashley and Show alone in the chamber. Heyman tries to psyche Big Show up in the minute between Test's elimination and Show's entrance.
Show (w/baseball bat) enters Lashley blocks Show's attempt to hit him with the baseball bat with the chair. The bat gets stuck in the chamber wall, and Lashley hits a couple chairshots. Lashley sends Show through one of the pods, and Show is busted open. Show is PISSED and breaks through the other wall. Lashley counters a chokeslam with a DDT. Show catches Lashley in mid-air and goes for a powerslam. Lashley slides out, and finishes Show with a spear to win the title. Crowd does pop pretty big for that. The match was OK but pretty unremarkable eccept for the booking, which was all over the place.
-Lashley gets a huge pyro display to celebrate his win.
-FINAL THOUGHTS: This show isn't the 1991 Great American Bash. What it appears to be is Vince & Company's attempt to troll Heyman and by extension, the ECW fans. Heyman would actually quit WWE right after this show ended. The message from WWE to ECW fans was clear: thanks for buying the "Rise & Fall" DVD and the "One Night Stand" PPVs, but this is a WWE brand and will be what WE want, not the ECW YOU want.
-From Augusta, GA
-Hosts are Joey Styles & Tazz
-Right away WWE gets rid of the ECW look that they were trying to go with, and it makes the show look like any other WWE PPV.
-Match 1: MNM (w/Melina) VS The Hardys
-Only this and the main event were announce ahead of time. Neither of these teams are technically ECW roster members. Jeff is I-C champion at this point. This was a "one night only" reunion for both teams. FUN FACT: These teams would be part of the 4 team Ladder Match at Armageddon later in the month (which included Mercury's face being broken), then this match also opened the 2007 Royal Rumble. Slow start. Hardys work on Mercury's arm. Nitro gets in, and right away takes a slingshot dropkick from Jeff for two. The Hardys then double team Nitro, then hit a double team wheelbarrow slam on an interfering Mercury.
Crowd tries to get into the ECW spirit by chanting "she's a crack whore" at Melina, but their hearts aren't really into it. Nitro misses a standing shooting star on Jeff, who immediately tags Matt. Matt hits a Splash Mountain bomb, one of the few times I've ever seen that move not countered into a hurricarana. Matt gets lured outside by Melina and clobbered by Mercury. Matt plays face-in-peril. Tazz takes the opportunity given to him by a scream from Melina to make a gay joke about Michael Cole. Matt counteres a double team suplex and hits a double hangman's neckbreaker, but MNM cut off the tag.
MNM go for the Twist of Fate/Swanton Bomb combo, but Matt breaks it up, and makes the hot tag to Jeff. Jeff cleans house, then Matt hits a slingshot dive on Mercury. Nitro then hits a sweet dive over the ropes, followed by Jeff who hits a plancha on all three other men. Hardys hit Poetry in Motion on Mercury. Matt hits Mercury with the Twist of Fate, but Nitro pulls Mercury out of the way of the Swanton Bomb. Nitro hits Jeff with a springboard dropkick for two.
MNM hit Jeff with a double-team catapult, and he is officially face-in-peril v2.0. MNM work Jeff over, but can't put him away. Jeff finally counters another catapult with the Whisper in the Wind, and makes the hot tag to Matt. Matt cleans house, hitting both MNM members with the Side Effect, and getting two on Nitro. The match breaks down, and the Hardys hit stereo superplexes. Melina distracts the ref, but ends up getting accidentally dropkicked off the apron by Nitro. Jeff gets a schoolboy for two. MNM hit the Snapshot, but Matt makes the save at two.
MNM set up for the Snapshot off the turnbuckles. Matt prevents that, and hits a double Diamond Cutter, then Jeff hits both MNM members with the Swantom Bomb before getting the pin on Nitro. Solid, if unspectacular tag formula match. Picked up for a bit right before the end, but the finish took too long to set up and killed the momentum that had been building.
-RVD is willing to risk it all to become the ECW Champion again. Rob says "the risks are worth the prize".
-Match 2: Matt Striker VS Balls Mahoney
-Matt Striker believes it is his job to restore order to an extreme environment. Matt says his match will be contested under extreme...ly enforced rules. No eye gouging, no hair-pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. Tazz points out that Striker has his own face on the back of his tights. Joey "You have to wonder about a man who wants to sit on his own face". Balls completely out-wrestles Striker, who responds with brawling. Striker goes to work on the arm.
Striker keeps working the arm as the crowd quickly grows disinterested. Balls hits some punches and a sidewalk slam for two. Balls goes up top, and the ref actually moves to enforce the "no top rope" rule, allowing Striker to shake the ropes and crotch Balls. Striker gets a nice rolling armbar. Balls makes his comeback with punches, and hits a spinebuster for the pin. Match was alright. Seemed to be building to Striker breaking one of his own rules to steal the win though.
-CM Punk warms up for the main event.
-Sabu is found KO'd backstage. Paul Heyman cares more about his main event than Sabu's health. The crowd, sensing what's coming, immediately chants "bullshit".
-Match 3: Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay VS The FBI (w/Trinity)
-Burke says tonight will be a sports-entertainment first: The Elijah Experience, and that they'll leave their mark like an animal in heat. Burke wrestles with his baseball cap on, but quickly loses it to Guido. FBI get the better of Burke for a little bit, but the tide turns when Terkay gets in. Terkay catches Guido in mid-air, casually kicks Mamaluke down, then throws Guido out over the top onto Mamaluke. Burke hits a stiff punch to the ribs for two. WWE missed the boat on Burke.
Match slows down quite a bit as Burke works on Guido. Burke hits an STO for two, with Mamaluke making the save. Mamaluke gets the lukewarm tag, and the crowd couldn't care less. FBI knock Terkay down with a double basement dropkick, then hit Burke with a double flapjack for two. Terkay clobbers Mamaluke, and Burke finishes with the Stroke. Terkay adds a muscle buster on Guido as one fan chants "TNA". Crowd indifference aside, this was an ok match.
-Sabu gets loaded into an ambulance. The crowd is not happy.
-Match 4: Daivari (w/The Great Khali) VS Tommy Dreamer
-Daivari controls the early going with punches. Dreamer fights back, but gets low-bridged by Khali. The ref saw that, and kicks Khali out from ringside. Daivari adds excitement to the match with...a chinlock. Daivari controls with more jobber offense as the crowd grows impatient for a Dreamer comeback. Dreamer makes an unexciting comeback, hitting an inverted DDT for two. Dreamer avoids a cross-body off the top, then ties Daivari into the Tree of Woe before hitting a basement dropkick. Daivari counters a DDT into a schoolboy, and gets the pin with a handfull of tights. Awful match, awful booking. Daivari is weird. He has a look and a gimmick that should be instant heat amongst the less-tolerant wrestling fans, but he can't draw any because he's a cruiserweight that tries to wrestle like a heavyweight, and he's just so fucking shitty at it that just about every match I've seen him has died a painful death.
-Dreamer tries to get revenge, but Khali comes back and hits a Tree Slam on the ramp.
-Paul Heyman goes into the locker room, and meets a fortunately there and dressed to wrestle Hardcore Holly. Heyman makes Holly Sabu's replacement. Crowd is NOT happy with that.
-Match 5: Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly VS Kevin Thorne & Ariel
-I think it's hilarious that Heyman though "vampirism" was widespread enough to base a gimmick off that. Mixed tag rules, so no intergender stuff. Boring match that the crowd couldn't care less about, other than staring at Kelly's ass and Ariel's breasts. Knox does hit a nice bicycle kick for two. The girls get in, and the crowd cares because of the T & A mentioned above. Kelly's "selling" is embarrasingly bad. Knox short-arms on a tag, then walks out on the match. Crowd cheers the move (they are ECW fans afterall), and a short "CM Punk" chant breaks out. Ariel finally finishes Kelly to end this. This was really, really bad.
-Ariel attacks Kelly just because she can until Sandman's music hits. Sandman makes his way through the crowd an Thorne grabs his cane. Sandman canes the shit out of Thorne to give the crowd something to really cheer for.
-Some woman I don't remember interviews Bobby Lashley. Video shows Lashley getting destroyed by Big Show & Heyman's crew on the previous ECW on Sci-Fi.
-Video previews the main event.
-Paul Heyman comes out kill time before the main event. First, he says that Hulkamania will die with Hogan, the "woo"s will die with Flair, but ECW will survive long after he dies, and it's all because of him. He might have a point, since there are people in wrestling who won't let the whole thing die. Heyman says ECW is now a global phenomenom lead by Big Show.
-Match 6 for the ECW Championship: Big Show [c] VS CM Punk VS Test VS Bobby Lashley VS Hardcore Holly VS Rob Van Dam
-This is a Chamber match, with weapons in each pod added. Show has a bared wire baseball bat, Punk has a chair, Test has a crowbar, and Lashley has a table. Test & Hardcore Holly in the main event! Where do I sign up? Tazz & Joey actually deduce that Holly had something to do with the attack on Sabu. Show, Test, & Holly show signs of solidarity (say that three times fast) during the ring intros, setting this up as essentially a team match.
RVD & Holly start. Cool spot as RVD does the Spider-Man leap into the cage, but then misses a cross-body and hangs himself up in the ropes. Holly slams RVD on the grating, then very gingerly jumps into a boot from RVD. That looked really bad. RVD hits Rolling Thunder over the top to the grating. Holly suplexes RVD back in the ring. They slug it out on their knees until RVD hits a low dropkick. Holly hits a proper dropkick for two.
CM Punk (w/chair) joins in to a big pop. Punk hits Holly with the chair, then RVD with a springboard clothesline. Punk throws a chair at RVD, who catches it, and simply throws it back at Punk's head. RVD hits Punk with a monkey flip onto the chair. Punk avoids a Van Daminator and a legsweep before dropping a leg on RVD's head to drive his face into the chair. That busts RVD open. Punk wedges the chair in a corner, then throws RVD head-first into it. Holly wheelbarrows Punk into the chamber for two. Heyman instructs Holly to finish either one off, and he settles on Punk. Holly sets Punk up top, then hits a couple chops followed by a superplex. RVD covers Punk off that and gets two. Punk hits the high knee on Holly, but runs into a kick from RVD.
Test (w/crowbar) enters. He whacks Punk in the ribs, then digs the edge into RVD's open wound. RVD takes Holly & Test out, then skateboards the chair into Punk's head before finishing him with the Five Star Frog Splash. Maybe RVD is too stoned to remember that Heyman's crew are working together. That doesn't matter soon enough, as Test measures RVD before turning and kicking Holly. That looks like it gets two because even though Holly doesn't kick out, the ref stops counting, but Holly is then removed from the chamber anyway. RVD tries a splash off one of the pods. but he stupidly picks Show's pod. Show grabs RVD and holds him in place for a chairshot from Test. Test puts the chair on RVD's face, then finishes him with an elbowdrop off Show's pod. Crowd chants "bullshit" at that, followed by a small "where's my refund?" chant.
Lashley is supposed to enter next, but Heyman's riot squad (the Basham Brothers, IIRC) keep Lashley's pod locked. Given that Test is armed with a fucking CROWBAR, I don't see what they were worried about. Lashley uses the table to break through the top of his pod and enter the match. Lashley mauls Test, then whips him into a couple pods. Test fights back, but Lashley kicks the chair into Test's face to cut him off. Lashley cracks Test with the crowbar, then finishes him with a spear, leaving Lashley and Show alone in the chamber. Heyman tries to psyche Big Show up in the minute between Test's elimination and Show's entrance.
Show (w/baseball bat) enters Lashley blocks Show's attempt to hit him with the baseball bat with the chair. The bat gets stuck in the chamber wall, and Lashley hits a couple chairshots. Lashley sends Show through one of the pods, and Show is busted open. Show is PISSED and breaks through the other wall. Lashley counters a chokeslam with a DDT. Show catches Lashley in mid-air and goes for a powerslam. Lashley slides out, and finishes Show with a spear to win the title. Crowd does pop pretty big for that. The match was OK but pretty unremarkable eccept for the booking, which was all over the place.
-Lashley gets a huge pyro display to celebrate his win.
-FINAL THOUGHTS: This show isn't the 1991 Great American Bash. What it appears to be is Vince & Company's attempt to troll Heyman and by extension, the ECW fans. Heyman would actually quit WWE right after this show ended. The message from WWE to ECW fans was clear: thanks for buying the "Rise & Fall" DVD and the "One Night Stand" PPVs, but this is a WWE brand and will be what WE want, not the ECW YOU want.
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