-This is the disasterous first and only attempt at a WWE-version of ECW PPV. I actually haven't seen this show before, but it has a reputation. Let's see if it lives up to it.
-From Augusta, GA
-Hosts are Joey Styles & Tazz
-Right away WWE gets rid of the ECW look that they were trying to go with, and it makes the show look like any other WWE PPV.
-Match 1: MNM (w/Melina) VS The Hardys
-Only this and the main event were announce ahead of time. Neither of these teams are technically ECW roster members. Jeff is I-C champion at this point. This was a "one night only" reunion for both teams. FUN FACT: These teams would be part of the 4 team Ladder Match at Armageddon later in the month (which included Mercury's face being broken), then this match also opened the 2007 Royal Rumble. Slow start. Hardys work on Mercury's arm. Nitro gets in, and right away takes a slingshot dropkick from Jeff for two. The Hardys then double team Nitro, then hit a double team wheelbarrow slam on an interfering Mercury.
Crowd tries to get into the ECW spirit by chanting "she's a crack whore" at Melina, but their hearts aren't really into it. Nitro misses a standing shooting star on Jeff, who immediately tags Matt. Matt hits a Splash Mountain bomb, one of the few times I've ever seen that move not countered into a hurricarana. Matt gets lured outside by Melina and clobbered by Mercury. Matt plays face-in-peril. Tazz takes the opportunity given to him by a scream from Melina to make a gay joke about Michael Cole. Matt counteres a double team suplex and hits a double hangman's neckbreaker, but MNM cut off the tag.
MNM go for the Twist of Fate/Swanton Bomb combo, but Matt breaks it up, and makes the hot tag to Jeff. Jeff cleans house, then Matt hits a slingshot dive on Mercury. Nitro then hits a sweet dive over the ropes, followed by Jeff who hits a plancha on all three other men. Hardys hit Poetry in Motion on Mercury. Matt hits Mercury with the Twist of Fate, but Nitro pulls Mercury out of the way of the Swanton Bomb. Nitro hits Jeff with a springboard dropkick for two.
MNM hit Jeff with a double-team catapult, and he is officially face-in-peril v2.0. MNM work Jeff over, but can't put him away. Jeff finally counters another catapult with the Whisper in the Wind, and makes the hot tag to Matt. Matt cleans house, hitting both MNM members with the Side Effect, and getting two on Nitro. The match breaks down, and the Hardys hit stereo superplexes. Melina distracts the ref, but ends up getting accidentally dropkicked off the apron by Nitro. Jeff gets a schoolboy for two. MNM hit the Snapshot, but Matt makes the save at two.
MNM set up for the Snapshot off the turnbuckles. Matt prevents that, and hits a double Diamond Cutter, then Jeff hits both MNM members with the Swantom Bomb before getting the pin on Nitro. Solid, if unspectacular tag formula match. Picked up for a bit right before the end, but the finish took too long to set up and killed the momentum that had been building.
-RVD is willing to risk it all to become the ECW Champion again. Rob says "the risks are worth the prize".
-Match 2: Matt Striker VS Balls Mahoney
-Matt Striker believes it is his job to restore order to an extreme environment. Matt says his match will be contested under extreme...ly enforced rules. No eye gouging, no hair-pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. Tazz points out that Striker has his own face on the back of his tights. Joey "You have to wonder about a man who wants to sit on his own face". Balls completely out-wrestles Striker, who responds with brawling. Striker goes to work on the arm.
Striker keeps working the arm as the crowd quickly grows disinterested. Balls hits some punches and a sidewalk slam for two. Balls goes up top, and the ref actually moves to enforce the "no top rope" rule, allowing Striker to shake the ropes and crotch Balls. Striker gets a nice rolling armbar. Balls makes his comeback with punches, and hits a spinebuster for the pin. Match was alright. Seemed to be building to Striker breaking one of his own rules to steal the win though.
-CM Punk warms up for the main event.
-Sabu is found KO'd backstage. Paul Heyman cares more about his main event than Sabu's health. The crowd, sensing what's coming, immediately chants "bullshit".
-Match 3: Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay VS The FBI (w/Trinity)
-Burke says tonight will be a sports-entertainment first: The Elijah Experience, and that they'll leave their mark like an animal in heat. Burke wrestles with his baseball cap on, but quickly loses it to Guido. FBI get the better of Burke for a little bit, but the tide turns when Terkay gets in. Terkay catches Guido in mid-air, casually kicks Mamaluke down, then throws Guido out over the top onto Mamaluke. Burke hits a stiff punch to the ribs for two. WWE missed the boat on Burke.
Match slows down quite a bit as Burke works on Guido. Burke hits an STO for two, with Mamaluke making the save. Mamaluke gets the lukewarm tag, and the crowd couldn't care less. FBI knock Terkay down with a double basement dropkick, then hit Burke with a double flapjack for two. Terkay clobbers Mamaluke, and Burke finishes with the Stroke. Terkay adds a muscle buster on Guido as one fan chants "TNA". Crowd indifference aside, this was an ok match.
-Sabu gets loaded into an ambulance. The crowd is not happy.
-Match 4: Daivari (w/The Great Khali) VS Tommy Dreamer
-Daivari controls the early going with punches. Dreamer fights back, but gets low-bridged by Khali. The ref saw that, and kicks Khali out from ringside. Daivari adds excitement to the match with...a chinlock. Daivari controls with more jobber offense as the crowd grows impatient for a Dreamer comeback. Dreamer makes an unexciting comeback, hitting an inverted DDT for two. Dreamer avoids a cross-body off the top, then ties Daivari into the Tree of Woe before hitting a basement dropkick. Daivari counters a DDT into a schoolboy, and gets the pin with a handfull of tights. Awful match, awful booking. Daivari is weird. He has a look and a gimmick that should be instant heat amongst the less-tolerant wrestling fans, but he can't draw any because he's a cruiserweight that tries to wrestle like a heavyweight, and he's just so fucking shitty at it that just about every match I've seen him has died a painful death.
-Dreamer tries to get revenge, but Khali comes back and hits a Tree Slam on the ramp.
-Paul Heyman goes into the locker room, and meets a fortunately there and dressed to wrestle Hardcore Holly. Heyman makes Holly Sabu's replacement. Crowd is NOT happy with that.
-Match 5: Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly VS Kevin Thorne & Ariel
-I think it's hilarious that Heyman though "vampirism" was widespread enough to base a gimmick off that. Mixed tag rules, so no intergender stuff. Boring match that the crowd couldn't care less about, other than staring at Kelly's ass and Ariel's breasts. Knox does hit a nice bicycle kick for two. The girls get in, and the crowd cares because of the T & A mentioned above. Kelly's "selling" is embarrasingly bad. Knox short-arms on a tag, then walks out on the match. Crowd cheers the move (they are ECW fans afterall), and a short "CM Punk" chant breaks out. Ariel finally finishes Kelly to end this. This was really, really bad.
-Ariel attacks Kelly just because she can until Sandman's music hits. Sandman makes his way through the crowd an Thorne grabs his cane. Sandman canes the shit out of Thorne to give the crowd something to really cheer for.
-Some woman I don't remember interviews Bobby Lashley. Video shows Lashley getting destroyed by Big Show & Heyman's crew on the previous ECW on Sci-Fi.
-Video previews the main event.
-Paul Heyman comes out kill time before the main event. First, he says that Hulkamania will die with Hogan, the "woo"s will die with Flair, but ECW will survive long after he dies, and it's all because of him. He might have a point, since there are people in wrestling who won't let the whole thing die. Heyman says ECW is now a global phenomenom lead by Big Show.
-Match 6 for the ECW Championship: Big Show [c] VS CM Punk VS Test VS Bobby Lashley VS Hardcore Holly VS Rob Van Dam
-This is a Chamber match, with weapons in each pod added. Show has a bared wire baseball bat, Punk has a chair, Test has a crowbar, and Lashley has a table. Test & Hardcore Holly in the main event! Where do I sign up? Tazz & Joey actually deduce that Holly had something to do with the attack on Sabu. Show, Test, & Holly show signs of solidarity (say that three times fast) during the ring intros, setting this up as essentially a team match.
RVD & Holly start. Cool spot as RVD does the Spider-Man leap into the cage, but then misses a cross-body and hangs himself up in the ropes. Holly slams RVD on the grating, then very gingerly jumps into a boot from RVD. That looked really bad. RVD hits Rolling Thunder over the top to the grating. Holly suplexes RVD back in the ring. They slug it out on their knees until RVD hits a low dropkick. Holly hits a proper dropkick for two.
CM Punk (w/chair) joins in to a big pop. Punk hits Holly with the chair, then RVD with a springboard clothesline. Punk throws a chair at RVD, who catches it, and simply throws it back at Punk's head. RVD hits Punk with a monkey flip onto the chair. Punk avoids a Van Daminator and a legsweep before dropping a leg on RVD's head to drive his face into the chair. That busts RVD open. Punk wedges the chair in a corner, then throws RVD head-first into it. Holly wheelbarrows Punk into the chamber for two. Heyman instructs Holly to finish either one off, and he settles on Punk. Holly sets Punk up top, then hits a couple chops followed by a superplex. RVD covers Punk off that and gets two. Punk hits the high knee on Holly, but runs into a kick from RVD.
Test (w/crowbar) enters. He whacks Punk in the ribs, then digs the edge into RVD's open wound. RVD takes Holly & Test out, then skateboards the chair into Punk's head before finishing him with the Five Star Frog Splash. Maybe RVD is too stoned to remember that Heyman's crew are working together. That doesn't matter soon enough, as Test measures RVD before turning and kicking Holly. That looks like it gets two because even though Holly doesn't kick out, the ref stops counting, but Holly is then removed from the chamber anyway. RVD tries a splash off one of the pods. but he stupidly picks Show's pod. Show grabs RVD and holds him in place for a chairshot from Test. Test puts the chair on RVD's face, then finishes him with an elbowdrop off Show's pod. Crowd chants "bullshit" at that, followed by a small "where's my refund?" chant.
Lashley is supposed to enter next, but Heyman's riot squad (the Basham Brothers, IIRC) keep Lashley's pod locked. Given that Test is armed with a fucking CROWBAR, I don't see what they were worried about. Lashley uses the table to break through the top of his pod and enter the match. Lashley mauls Test, then whips him into a couple pods. Test fights back, but Lashley kicks the chair into Test's face to cut him off. Lashley cracks Test with the crowbar, then finishes him with a spear, leaving Lashley and Show alone in the chamber. Heyman tries to psyche Big Show up in the minute between Test's elimination and Show's entrance.
Show (w/baseball bat) enters Lashley blocks Show's attempt to hit him with the baseball bat with the chair. The bat gets stuck in the chamber wall, and Lashley hits a couple chairshots. Lashley sends Show through one of the pods, and Show is busted open. Show is PISSED and breaks through the other wall. Lashley counters a chokeslam with a DDT. Show catches Lashley in mid-air and goes for a powerslam. Lashley slides out, and finishes Show with a spear to win the title. Crowd does pop pretty big for that. The match was OK but pretty unremarkable eccept for the booking, which was all over the place.
-Lashley gets a huge pyro display to celebrate his win.
-FINAL THOUGHTS: This show isn't the 1991 Great American Bash. What it appears to be is Vince & Company's attempt to troll Heyman and by extension, the ECW fans. Heyman would actually quit WWE right after this show ended. The message from WWE to ECW fans was clear: thanks for buying the "Rise & Fall" DVD and the "One Night Stand" PPVs, but this is a WWE brand and will be what WE want, not the ECW YOU want.
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